Song Blog: “With Your Girlfriend”

“With Your Girlfriend” is a song I don’t play much, because I feel, in general, people hate it.

It is probably the most disliked song I’ve ever written. I’ve gotten a lot of dirty looks from audiences. Maybe they don’t get the grandiose, lecherous, sarcastic, over-complicated, duplicitous and poorly executed sci-fi storyline. It’s too bad, because I really like the “Ow/Uh” part.

I can’t really do much about the way people hate this song. What I can do, is try to explain the story in clear prose, so you can at least see what I was failing to get at. Here goes:

This song is set in a post-apocalyptic future. In this future, nuclear/chemical warfare has sterilized everyone except our protagonist and the listener’s girlfriend (how charmingly meta and interactive, right?). This gives the protagonist a survivalist’s reason to procreate “with your girlfriend,” who he thinks is a “fox” and a “9 out of 10.”  This inspires him to sing, philander beyond the original parameters (“with your mom”) and enjoy fruit brought to him by his illegitimate, mutant octuplets (See? It’s not that complicated). He also hints that the reason he and the girlfriend are still fertile is because they were already fornicating before the apocalypse and were secreted in a protective vault at the time of the sterilization event. Scandalous. Only when mass sterilization kicks in, does he bring the relationship to light, but still promises not to enjoy the sex (a blatant lie.)

Ta da!

Still not playing it live ever again.

Easter Egg: The little melody that bridges the chorus back to the verse, “No one else can do it anymore,” is a bit of a rip from the theme song for the post-apocalyptic anime series “Wolf’s Rain.” I love it, and no one will ever sue me, because I’m not playing this song anymore.

Song Blog: “Rock Discreetly”

It’s Rock O’Clock. Time for a song blog. Why this song, you ask? Because I think it’s the only song on my two albums that has never been performed live. I’ve played the acoustic intro, but the rest of it is beyond my live acoustic set up with all the drums, vocal layers and surf guitar. That’s kind of sad though, because it really captures a lot of my feelings, especially the “Fuck you, I’m going to make whatever sounds I want, even if they’re annoying” one.

I usually try to avoid curse words in recorded versions, because I hate making ‘clean edits,’ but since this yummy number had no potential as a single, I didn’t bother. This song isn’t all that funny, except for the fact that it’s loud and annoying for the sake of being loud and annoying, which I also think, really sums up my stage personality. That’s the opposite of my off-stage personality, which makes this song a real peek into the depths of my complexity. I’m so deep. I’m such a deep, intriguing person that he song right after this one is “Handjobs and Driving.”

This song was inspired by wanting to rock whilst other people, roommates, neighbors, cellmates and the like were trying to sleep and not owning a proper studio. Also, it’s a response to their complaints. All in all, a pretty self-explanatory song with silly voices.

Song Blog: “Starting a Band”

“Starting a Band” began as some chicken scratchings for a bit of stand-up. At some point, I remembered how I don’t like talking on stage all that much and it became my 2nd “radio play.” It was the last track added to American Chipfunk.


The premise is that I am in deep outer space with no one to talk to but my spaceship’s artificial intelligence. I don’t remotely remember why the AI is called “Slim 5000.” That doesn’t even sound like a name fit for a PC. I really hope there isn’t a band out there called “Cleavage,” because if I ever do start a band, that’s the name I want. Enjoy the free MP3 or don’t!

 

The "moose on fire" comes, of course, from the classic film "Knowing," which nobody nothered to see.

 

Comedy or Pornography?

If you go to Youtube to watch my “Coppin’ a Feel” music video, you’ll find it “disabled for violation of the YouTube Community Guidelines.” It looks like this now:

:/ is right.

I appealed, but that just meant I got to write two sentences, click a button and have it denied within minutes. I’m quite unhappy. According to their notice, “YouTube is not the place for nudity, pornography or other sexually provacative content.” It’s a comedy video. Yes, it’s about something sexy, but that doesn’t make it pornography. There’s zero nudity and the imagery is no worse than the average rap video.  I could spend a lifetime watching racier stuff on YouTube, but I won’t.

Instead, I’m asking people to spread their displeasure on twitter using the hashtags, #ShameOnYouTube, #FreedomOfReach and #LifeLibertyAndThePursuitOfGropiness. Let YouTube know that they got it wrong.

If you haven’t seen it, and therefore aren’t sure if you’re outraged yet, the video is below. Judge for yourself. Is this comedy or pornography?

Coppin’ a Feel (Official Music Video)

Tay Zonday’s Lockout and Me

This makes me so happy. Some Youtube luminaries have weighed in on my music video for “Coppin’ a Feel.” This may be the nicest thing anyone’s ever made about my music. It features Tay Zonday, Mystery Guitar Man, Ethan Newberry and Exotic Jess, who doesn’t have many nice things to say, but even that makes me happy. Thanks to BAMMO for making this happen!

To give this blog post a little beef, I’ll respond to my “critics.”

To Tay Zonday:
Thank you, I’m honored. +30035 (boobs).

To Exotic Jess:
I didn’t have a girlfriend when I wrote the song, but I did by the time I made the video (and still do) which made the whole thing a bit more nerve-wracking than boneriffic. Also, while girls might not notice when they’re checking their rack… I do.

To Mystery Guitar Man:
I did make a Craigslist post, but didn’t cast anyone from it. They all seemed like the kind of girl that might shiv the whole crew and steal the camera.

To Ethan Newberry:
You get me bro. I will send you that loop.