The L.A. Weekly has an article about this week’s talent contest. Before you ask the embarrassing question… No. It doesn’t look like I’ll be winning the ass-kicking contest. Someone racked up about a thousand votes between 7 pm and midnight. Though I will not get to put 1st place on my resume, I’ll have the satisfaction of knowing I was not online stomping for votes on a Friday night. Before hitting the bars, I did adventure onto chatroulette.com to find some new friends to vote for me, but all I saw were 47 penises, 6 boobs, 3 vaginas, 1 naked couple, 1 tiger and 1 dog.
It looks like I’m going to take 3rd place and win tickets to a Kick-Ass themed burlesque show though. You better believe I’m going, even if I have to take the 110. Naked dancing ladies is a pretty good consolation prize.
The best part about the L.A. weekly article, aside from spelling my name wrong, is that they’ve put up a picture of me singing. Singing is pretty much the time when I least want my picture taken. It looks good on video, but when you cut out a single frame, the singer either looks constipated, like they just smelled something awful or like a complete dick. In the picture in the L.A. Weekly, I look like I just smelled a constipated dick.
I thought it might be fun to do a retrospective of the worst pictures ever taken of me on stage, but it turns out, most of them have been deleted. Those that remain are still pretty bad. We’ll start this retrospective of bad singing pictures with a look I like to call, “Stinky Microphone Face.” It shows up in about 80% of the pictures taken of me. The rest are divided between”Yelling for no Reason Face” and “Confused by Myself Face.” As you can see in the last one, when I’m not singing I am all rock ‘n’ roll.